Do you have to be born as a man to attain self-realization? Are women by their very gender still at least an entire incarnation away from achieving the ultimate goal?
A disturbing thought if you are a woman, but one that occurs to us as we discuss the need for detachment. We have all read about how a male birth is superior and necessary for progress and we have dismissed it as patriarchal nonsense.But now we begin to question whether women do indeed have a distinct disadvantage in this spiritual race to the top, not by nature of their inferiority but by virtue of their instincts.
We read about how there were many instances throughout history of men who were once passionate about women or wine or war and who then made the switch to a passionate desire for liberation and succeeded. Their success we were told, came from channeling their intense desire in the right direction. But can women channel their desire as easily and instantaneously as these men seem to have done, and if so, will they meet with the same respect and honor?
We know the stories and legends of poets and saints and dramatists like Annamacharya and Kalidasa and even Lord Buddha, who could walk away from their lives and their wives and achieve both creative and spiritual greatness in their intense bid to acquire Nirvana. But we seldom hear of women leaving their homes, families and responsibilities to seek God. If they are devoted, they continue their devotions within the confines of their homes, still attending to their duties. The Krishna devotee and poet Mirabai is the only one that comes to mind as one who devoted herself fully to God despite being a householder, and according to legend, she endured ostracism and terrible hardships for her choice.
Is this disadvantage created by our biological instincts? While men are driven to fight for survival, spread their seed and compete for the largest spoils, including eventually liberation, is our instinct to nurture and foster and balance everyone’s needs along the way robbing us of something far more valuable than our peace of mind? Is it actually keeping us from attaining perfection?
In our daily lives, we see that our fathers, husbands and brothers are able to focus single-mindedly on their work and when it’s time to cut loose, on their pleasure. They can put in a long day of meetings and deadlines and then lose themselves on the weekend in a great game of golf. It’s easy to see how they could just as easily, once convinced of its benefit, become fully absorbed in the pursuit of spiritual perfection. They could very well be dormant Annamacharyas or Buddhas, and in a decade or so, when they are good and ready, zoom past us on their way to liberation, while we continue to plod through our journey weighed down by duty, by attachment to home and family, by the need to be all things to all people.
I remember my mother during our adolescent years, trying her best to keep me and my brothers in line, despite our hormonal outbursts and rebellion and teenage angst, dealing almost daily with some drama or the other, while my father sat behind the carved sandalwood doors of the puja room, immersed in chanting mantras. They had both found the same guru at the same time, but he alone had the luxury of shutting out the world while he pursued salvation.
My husband can come home from a day of teaching music, be transported as he plays a beautiful melody on the saxophone, and then watch a youtube video of Lord Shiva dancing, with tears of devotion streaming down his face. And as he invites me to enjoy the melody or watch the video, I find myself checking that the stove is off, that the rice cooker is on, and that I won’t be late for class.
I see myself, sneaking in Gita class for one hour a day with great difficulty, reading between taking the dogs out for a walk and making dinner, sending text messages to my son, calling my mother to make sure she is okay, writing my blog on Friday mornings before the demands of the weekend take over, trying to get a few minutes of meditation in before the distractingly beautiful sounds of the saxophone fill the air.
I’m not complaining. But as women it seems we will have to work harder to overcome the instincts and emotions which continue to keep us bound. If not, we will most likely be left behind in this alluring web of attachments we create for ourselves, while the men in our lives stride purposefully and with unwavering intensity toward their goals.
Watch the breath
thank you
interesting post.
very good post
I want to say YES, omgosh we are So disadvantaged. But this seems pessimistic. It’s additionally disheartening to think that the gopi’s of Vrindavan were all highly advanced male devotees in their previous birth (though I realise you just mentioned Mirabai above). Perhaps even Mirabai too, was male in a previous birth. But God is surely not biased. But the ‘game’ with its ‘rules’… may be harder for us to play by. For example to develop detachment and discrimination we may have to work harder, as you say to overcome instinct and emotion. Actually, does that mean God is biased? Even if the answer turned out to be yes. I think that just fuels me to defy the odds.
Incidentally, I was also thinking lately, is God conservative or liberal? (not in political terms). So much of religion and also spiritual paths seems so conservative. So does that make God conservative…?
Oh no! My intention was not to be pessimistic or to say God is truly biased. Of course not. I like to think we are all perfectly equal in God’s eyes. 🙂 My question was more of a questioning of our own assumptions. We cannot use such assumptions as an excuse not to progress. I do think it’s important as women to understand how our emotions instincts and nurturing tendency can keep us bound fast to the material world. As you say it’s an additional challenge we have to overcome and the first step in doing so is to become aware of what holds us back.
Many great devotees were women and achieved self realization. So can we.
As for being conservative..I agree religion tends to be. But if we go beyond religion and ritual to the actual essence then there is nothing more liberal or freeing than the concept that we are all one brilliant consciousness that is eternal, immortal and infinitely blissful.
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